A response from Nintəndo

The following is a response to Kylen’s poem/letter to Nintəndo.

Dear Kylen,

We at Nintəndo find it quite pleasing

when devoted gamers write letters.

Really, we do; I’m not teasing.

Atari calls us bananas,

but we like it a bunch,

almost as much as Mac likes

to earn a star punch.

You know that Mario was the ref in that game?

No princess in Punch-Out either.

Isn’t that a shame?

Back to your points, on side quests

we won’t dawdle.

Just know your suffering moves us

as do your death foibles.

Your many…many…many death foibles.

It’s funny you should ask

about the plumbers’ back story.

Their pipe dreams began long ago

on that glorious morning,

but that’s all I can tell you

without a DLC purchase.

To answer your question

about what substance influenced

side-scrolling action, flying turtles and goombas,

we don’t condone–wink, wink–

the consumption of fungi,

LSD, ecstasy, or marijuana.

Though there is Bud, but he’s only one guy.

Then, I suppose, there is Sue and Steve and

Amanda and Tobi from Bandai.

Now is no time to get caught up

in the who took the what

or why the walls melted

into the princess-dragon-castle plot.

That answer, I’m sure, will be found

in another spot.

As for tossing your system

out the window after your thousandth death,

I can say this:

The biggest Nintəndon’t

I’ve heard to this day:

Never, ever, ever, ever

throw your Nintəndo away.

Didn’t mother ever tell you

there are aliens on Mars

who are starving to play?

I’ll close out this letter and reveal a surprise.

Attached is a package

with Amanita muscaria spores inside.

I do have to add that

these are strictly for research

beneath a microscope.

Now, go slay that Bowser! The Princess is waiting.

Star Power for life!

Forever Yours,

Nintəndo

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